Touch Football - Invented by Men, Perfected by Women.: January 2008

Dictionary for Decoding Women's Personal Ads:

40-ish ........................ 49.

Adventurous .............. Slept with everyone.

Athletic . No breasts

Average looking .......... Moooo.

Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.

Emotionally Secure ... On medication.

Feminist . Fat

Free spirit .................. Junkie

Friendship first .......... Former slut.

New-Age . Body hair in the wrong places.

Old-Fashioned . No BJs.

Open-minded ............. Desperate

Outgoing . Loud and Embarrassing.

Professional . Bitch

Voluptuous ................ Very Fat

Huge frame . Hugely Fat

Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think
about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit - I'm gay

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